Valentine’s Day tends to mean a lot of roses, chocolates and of course, sex. But if you’re part of the 97 percent of couples that want to have a more intimate relationship with your partner, Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and a relationship expert on FYI’s “Married at First Sight,” shared some of her insights and advice to help you get the spark back.
“We have so many things that take away our time from one another with our phones and our technology that I think people let the world take them over and don’t dedicate enough intimate time together,” Schwartz told Fox News.
Dr. Schwartz has authored over 50 academic articles on intimate relationships, marriage, love, and sex and said the biggest differences men and women have when it comes to desire is how often they want sex. However, it’s often the woman that struggles with a lower libido, she said.
Female sexual difficulties (FSD) is defined as persistent problems with sexual response, desire, orgasm, or pain that causes distress or strains your relationship with your partner. Schwartz recommends women with these symptoms talk to their partner and health provider if they persist for longer than six months.
According to one study, 40 percent of women said that they had some sexual issues, 10 percent of them said they felt nothing at all [during sex], and only 4 percent had ever talked to anyone about it, Schwartz said
A 2015 study of more than 30,000 Americans found couples who have sex once a week are the happiest, but Schwartz said couples who have any amount of sex with some regularity that pleases both partners is considered a healthy sex life.
To bump up your bedroom activity and have a more intimate Valentine’s Day this year, Schwartz suggested these simple tricks.
Start up the conversation:
For most women, conversation is foreplay, so you can start by talking about what you should do.
“Ask, ‘How can I please you?’ or just do a little list of three things I love about you to say to her and to say to him,” Schwartz said. “Compliment each other. Touch each other. That’s foreplay, it isn’t just ‘OK now we’re turning down the light and here we are.’”
Plan ahead of time:
Do simple things like make an early dinner appointment and make sure Valentine’s Day is not all about splurging on a gourmet meal.
“If you have an early dinner, you have time to relax, plus you’re not going to want sex on a full tummy,” Schwartz said. “You can do the little things like touching, and talking and making sure that the point of Valentine’s Day is not the dinner, the point is to be more intimate, a little bit sexier. Maybe even go shopping for lingerie or a sex toy or something that is a little outrageous for you.”
No matter how you spend your romantic holiday, know your partner. If she wants roses, give her roses, but it’s a great time to make it an intimate date—take a shower together, do whatever that makes you happy as a couple—just give yourself time to make it physical as well